Feminist: 10 Questions All Women Should Ask on a First Date – by Brian Thomas
You can’t learn everything about a person of a first date, but you can usually get some understanding of what the person you’re with is like.
You’ll also have a good basis for deciding whether your date is a little screwy and probably bad news.
Forget the old standby of keeping the question rate 1:1. Imagine you’re on a date with someone who pulls out a printed list of ten questions found on the internet, and then puts you on a patronizing trial over your beliefs on sex work, the conflict in the Middle East, capitalism, and what you think of people with handicaps.
Sound like a domineering nutcase or a pretentious snob to you?
Don’t bother coming up with your own ten weird question to try and keep up. This is the most obvious warning sign you could ask for, and you should take it for what it is.
Everyday Feminism’s Lara Witt recently offered her readers “10 Things Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask On a First Date.”
Prepare to run for the hills.
1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
Lets just assume this isn’t the first thing you’re asked. If it is, it’s even worse than I thought.
“I don’t want to have to have laborious discussions where I have to prove to someone that white privilege or non-black privilege exists,” Witt writes. “If they are willing to learn and listen and make the space to decenter their whiteness (if they are white), that’s a good place to start.”
So essentially Witt suggests what feminists would call “mansplaining” for anyone else. Here I was (silly me), thinking feminists thought that was a bad thing.
2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
According to the article, your answer should be: “One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself.”
If you’re willing to stay after this one, thinking that the conversation is about to get normal again, think again. There’s eight more weird questions to come, because you’re on the worst first date of your life.
3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
“I’ve met cisgender heteronormative (cishet) men who hate women,” Witt says. “They say they love women, but that love is conditional on not having their toxic masculinity questioned or threatened in any way. And they love us as a monolith, they love what women have to offer, whether it is sex, food, love, care, emotional labor: they love us for what we can do for them, not because of who we are for ourselves.”
If you’re a man, try joking around a bit, saying you don’t think of yourself as a provider, you intend to pay only for dates that were your idea and everything else should be a treat for you, you’re nobody’s “protector” or “breadwinner,” and your credit score was ruined by medical bills. See what your feminist date thinks about what you “have to offer” and whether or not this will be a problem.
4. What are your thoughts on sex work?
Forget about the role the illegal sex trade has on sex work. Witt thinks “being pro-sex worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy,” even though the “experience and knowledge” of sex workers “is crucial to understanding the oppressive structures of our world.”
Because Witt has contradictory views of sex work being liberating and anti-patriarchy, while also being a symptom of an oppressive system, you’ll be wrong no matter what you say. Get used to that if you opt for round two.
5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
Getting antsy waiting for your date to ask you a normal question? Hoping it’s finally your turn to contribute to the conversation?
Don’t get ahead of yourself. Your feminist date is about to start a conversation about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Don’t mention Gaza’s death penalty for gay people, or how Palestinian homosexuals are fleeing to Israel to escape that fate. Don’t even think about referring to Hamas as a terrorist organization.
Your feminist date doesn’t want to “dismantle” those oppressive systems.
“Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” is “an effort to end international support for Israel’s oppression of Palestinians.”
And that’s just “small talk.”
6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
“I didn’t grow up in the United States,” Witt says. “I was raised in Switzerland, so my understanding of how Europeans committed genocide against indigenous populations here in the U.S. was fairly limited.”
Say “everyone’s ancestors have blood on their hands,” and you’ll have the privilege of getting out of this trial. Maybe your feminist date will storm off, and save you the embarrassment of asking for a check and doggy bags before you’re even close to finishing your meal.
The next questions on the list are just as annoying as first six. They’re going to cover wonderful get-to-know-you topics:
7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
8. Can any human be illegal?
9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
10. Does your allyship include disabled folks?
It’s pretty weird to be asked what you think of people in wheelchairs on a first date, after nine other annoying questions.
Just get out while you can.
from The Federalist Papers http://bitly.com/2AExUBH
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